[stock] misty autumn mountains

friends only

...sort of.  Since this is both a personal and graphics journal, most entries with the 'personal' tag are f-locked, and graphics/resource entries are open for everyone.  If you're interested in my personal life, feel free to comment to this entry and I'll add you.  Otherwise, just add me to watch my journal for graphic updates.  If you just want to add me and aren't interested in my personal posts, that's totally cool with me, but please don't comment and ask to be added because you think the special graphics are f-locked... they aren't.  Anyone who was already friended before this entry (9/27/07) is still friended - so unless you don't want to be included in my personal entries, you don't have to comment to stay added ^.^ 
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[stock] misty autumn mountains

Local Macon Girl is murdered

http://bit.ly/k9QCrJ →

This is so disturbing. Macon is a very small city, and Lauren was a friend of the mayor’s daughter. The body still hasn’t been positively identified as Lauren, but we all know and are assuming that it’s her. Really though, if it isn’t her, then where the hell is she, and who is it hacked to death outside of her apartment?

This happened right in the middle of the “good part” of town. Just a few doors down from Hay House, our biggest tourist attraction (called “the palace of the South”), right across the street from Mercer Law School, fewer than two blocks away from Woodruff House, the historic house where my office is. FEWER THAN TWO BLOCKS. I drove up Georgia Avenue, right past her, not two hours before the police found her. It’s eerie. And what’s more is that I live an easy walking distance from where this happened. A mile, maybe a mile and a half. And while I’m sure we’re all confident that Lauren was probably killed either by someone she knows personally or by a stalker who she was on contact with, it’s still so scary to think I live so close to her. And if it’s someone Lauren was in contact with…the odds are fairly good that I have come into contact with him too.
[stock] misty autumn mountains


The counseling service I was going to see doesn't accept an HRA plan, so each session would cost $70.  I can't do that.  I simply don't have it.  Even for one session.  I don't know what this is all for.  I don't even know why I'm doing all of this.  I know people have to eat, have to feed their families, but... I need help.  Are they really going to let me cancel my appointment because I can't afford it?
[stock] misty forest

happy moments

I am sick today, and while I was lying in the bathtub with a hot rag over my face and mug of hot tea, it reminded me of this past weekend.  Bethany went down to Pat's house to take a shower, and I was taking a nice, relaxing morning bath in the new giant fricking bathtub with the window open and birds singing outside, a bottle of Mike's hard lemonade, music playing on my iPhone, blissfully working out new formations on graph paper.  It wasn't that I hadn't a care in the world or anything, but it was a pretty nice moment.  Whole weekend with practically nothing to do, empty house, cool weather and a giant bathtub.

It made me think of other happy moments.  I know - shocker - Summer's been happy once or twice.  Just for a moment or two.  Particularly over this summer... I thought everything was about to fall into place.  I had met someone, I had been practically guaranteed a future job at the CVB and in the mean time was going to take one at the high school, I was going to get to coach and get paid for it, I was finally moving back out of my parents' house.  I was thinking I was going to turn over a new leaf.  Everything was finally going to get rolling again.

I don't know why I keep falling into the trap of believing that will ever, ever happen.  One chunk falls off and just pulls all the rest down. 

The other happy moment that came immediately to mind was at the beginning, when Marco and I were at Dustin's house, watching movies.  We were on the couch, my head in his lap, his hand in my hair.  The whole night was lovely, but the moment came when I had just gotten home and changed my clothes and was getting into bed when I got a text from Marco asking if I'd made it home okay, and saying that he'd had a good time and couldn't wait to see me the next day.  

I wish I could remember all the happy moments I've had, collect them like little jewels, and bind them into a tiny, sparkly book.  I'd title it, 'Summer Has Happy Moments Too, But Someone Always Fucks Them Up.'
[paramore] green jacket

on settling, and contentment

Why are people so ready to settle? Why are they so content to take the first thing they’re offered, when it isn’t really what they want? What’s so wrong with waiting for the right thing, the thing you set out to have?

Sure, maybe I’ll be the girl who is never happy because I’ll always be waiting for perfect and perfect probably doesn’t exist. But I won’t be any worse off than someone who isn’t happy because they took what they could get instead of waiting and working for exactly what they wanted. The only way to get what you want is to not take the first option you’re offered.

[stock] snowy landscape


Well, Ben Jones of 13WMAZ weather, I believe you said there would be snow flurries around 2 am. And here it is 8:00, and there's no freaking now.


I hadn't planned on having to go to work today. I feel jipped, Ben Jones. I'm skeptical that the 2 - 4 inches you predict to begin around 9:00 is coming. You'd better be telling the truth, mister.
[stock] misty forest

so i just read 180 entries back...

I just went back 180 entries to read about how my life has changed between now and 180 entries ago... Man, my life is fucked up. No wonder Liz said I should write a book.

Lol. But it's really not that funny.

edit: I also finally broke into my old photobucket, the password for which had been forgotten, so now all my old icons and other images are back up. So that's better.
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[stock] i see through your clever disgui

(no subject)

Today, I have taken the liberty of deleting some old negative entries where there's really no substance, just bitching, lol. I vent here. Can't help that. But I thought there wasn't a lot of point in filling up space with a lot of ranting when there's no real reason. I'm still working on it, but it's cleaned up a bit ;)

In the mean time, I've started posting short blogs on tumblr, mostly images, quotes and music I like to express how I'm feeling or what I'm doing right now when I don't feel like sitting down and verbalizing it. Or as a supplement to a real-live blog post.

I heard yesterday that the person who's hiring in Athens, Mark, told one of my coworkers here that he thinks the position will come down to me and an internal candidate. Which is of course good, but it's hard to beat an internal candidate. So the hopes are not up. Much. And my coworker told him that I asked her if I could shadow her, and she said he seemed impressed with my initiative. So that's good. I wouldn't so much call it initiative as the desire to not be completely blindsided by a job I have not the first idea how to do, and also I was thinking that if I get another interview, it would be helpful to have spent a few days actually doing the job - I'll be able to answer the questions better.

I also had a phone interview with John from The Castillo. He quoted me $5,000 less than Rachel told me she could get me (and he said it with what felt like finality to me), and also informed me that the hotel has no benefits. No insurance, nothing. Which I think is a deal-breaker. It doesn't pay anywhere near enough to not carry any benefits, and I don't want to do group sales within a hotel anyway. But Rachel says he seems to have liked me and he told me he wants to schedule a second interview, which I told him would be okay, but I was really planning on telling Rachel it's not happening before I told him that. Now I just have to figure out how.

And finally... I think I'm getting a cold. I'm doing too much, I know it. I am SO TIRED during the day and I can't sleep at all at night. I've been having migraines, and even little mini-versions of anxiety attacks (God bless me for not having the full-on ones)... I'm just tired. I guess all the months of doing everything I can are finally getting to me.
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[stock] misty autumn mountains


Into The Wild isn't the most moving movie I've ever seen, but it's definitely in the top 5. 

Movies that also ripped my heart out are Speak, The Virgin Suicides, Ned Kelly, and Thelma & Louise.  All of these films should be on everyone's list of required viewing.

The actual story behind Into The Wild is heartbreaking.  Also Ned Kelly.  It breaks my heart that it's true.

I'm such a movie-crier.  Of course I bawled my eyes out when Emile Hirsch dies.  These days, I cry in almost every movie I see.  Strong emotions just MOVE me.  I saw Avatar today, and I got a little misty then, too.  I just cry, okay?  I'm a crier.  But only when watching movies.